Uzair’s Theory on Broflation

I haven’t updated my blog in a while because I’ve been busy writing a book which is now completed but it’s in the process of being reviewed and edited. I wrote the book and develop a course to teach people how to excel in school and achieve their goals systematically and effectively without spending countless hours “spinning their wheels”. More details will come out soon but it’s definitely something you don’t want to miss out on.

Today I’m going to talk about a serious topic that might be taken as a joke but it’s really not. It has come to my attention that there are some “men” out there that have been doing a great disservice to their own gender. From the goodness of my heart I’m going to assume that these guys are acting with good intention but just don’t know any better. So I’m going to bring it upon myself to educate the public on the concept of broflation as a very important part of the courting process.

I’ve been single for most of my life but this is the first time I’ve been single and had a real job so the expectations are a little different. When I was in university my total monthly income was not a penny above $250 a month which was coincidentally the exact amount I received from my parents as pocket money.  This provided me with a great excuse to never have to pay for my female partners on our dates. I was broke as a joke and the money I received every month went towards the numerous suits I bought which were used to get the females attention in the first place. It was a completely understandable situation that I was not able to take girls out. Now that my income has increased considerably, it is “societal expectation” that I take a girl out and pay for both of us. The reason why this is an expectation is because some inbred fools are going around saying things like “it’s the gentleman thing to do”, or even more misleading “real men pay for dinner”. This is exactly the nonsense that if continually perpetuated through society, will slowly rot every moral fibre in our existence.

Before I go further I feel the need to clear something’s up. The year is 2013 not 1913, things are completely different; men and women are not expected to live up to their traditional gender roles. To make things clear; I’m a feminazi to the core and all for equal rights between the genders. I’m all for equal pay for equal work; if a girl can work on an oil rig then she can sure as hell get paid as much as a man. This is exactly why when I play basketball and a girl wants to play, she is more than welcome to. However I go all out with this particular female because I am not a misogynist and think I should take it easier on her because she’s a female and physically less capable. That’s sexist as hell, I go all out and block the living hell out of every shot she attempts and post her up with full force every opportunity I get. I do my level best to make her hate the sport just like I would with any other guy. It just happens to be a lot easier playing against a female. In the work place, I trust every female coworker the same way I trust any male coworker in doing their job right. If they mess up or don’t do it right I will treat them the exact same way after. I even talk about the same inappropriate and disgusting topics with girls around as I do with the boys; we’re all the same. Now that I’ve cleared up the fact that I’m not a woman hating sexist beast of a man I can continue with the topic of broflation.

Broflation simply put is inflating the expectations of females during the courting process for the purposes of intimacy in the form of a long term relationship or just coitious interuptus of the penile erectus.

Broflation doesn’t really apply much to one night stands because really, it’s impractical. If you drown her in alcohol to get in her pants you’ve committed a crime more than anything. It’s not a sustainable game plan and could bite you in the ass if the girl calls rape the next day (which they can). So for the purposes of this article I’m not going to discuss that. I will say though; let her buy her own drinks, you’ll never regret it.

You contribute to broflation by doing things that are out of the norm such as taking a girl out to dinner, or somewhere “different” like mini golfing. Those are minor infractions; more serious infractions would be taking a girl out the most expensive or exclusive restaurant in town and then paying for the whole damn meal. Never mind the guys who bring roses or flowers for the first date; they usually don’t last in our gene pool because I usually slash their tires. And throats. The general rule of thumb is when a guy asks a girl out and she says yes, the guy is expected to spend maybe $3.25 on a cup of coffee for her or they go for a walk for about 45 minutes to an hour. That is the baseline expectation; it keeps up with the historical rate for inflation at around 1 to 2%. So the amount of money you spend on the coffee might increase over time but not by much. Now you can go over a little too; no one is going to kill you for spending $10 or $12. Remember this is a rule of thumb with minor exceptions but if you completely ignore it and spend $140 then you’ve caused a kitten to die in your futile pursuit of vagina.

The reason behind this is simple; according to a Harvard Study (you can find it on their website) 85% of girls have no hobbies or interests whatsoever so they talk about boys all the time. Before someone decides to call me sexist or anything, I’d like to say that a lot of guys are the same and only ever talk about girls however there has been no study done on them so I can’t throw out any numbers. My understanding is that these girls get together every so often with their grande 5 pump easy on the foam skinny vanilla mocha double shot lattes, rocking their uggs and holding their iPhones to discuss the latest haps in their dating lives. The thing about females is that they will always try to one up another; it’s just in their nature, similar to how guys will try to one up each other on their penis size. Girls do the same shit except with how their dates went instead of the size of the gaping hole between their legs. When a proper bro takes a girl out and follows the proper brotocal, and takes her out for coffee spending $3.25 the attention shifts from the date to the bro himself. The girls will tell her girlfriends about whether she liked the man for who he is and his personality/looks/swagger/bespoke-suit. It’s genuine and everyone wins because it becomes more about the people and the connection. However there is always this traitorous not-bro douchebag that comes along and tries so hard to get the girl because he lacks in personality/looks/swagger/suit and takes her out for an expensive dinner with flowers and they to end the night they go on a horse buggy ride in central park. Serious OVERKILL.

What happens after the date is when you see the broflation come to life. The girls will get together and the one girl will brag about this awesome date that she had. She won’t talk about the traitorous not-bro douchebag himself but rather what they did. Her girlfriends will get jealous and then EXPECT this as how normal guys aka the real bros, do things.

So what happens next is this now this one lad finds a girl and asks her out. She says yes. The day of the date he messages her and picks her up from her place and takes her to the local coffee shop. He really likes this girl and her whorefax came out clean so he wants to make a good impression so instead of taking her to Tim Hortons he tries to impress her by taking her to a boutique coffee shop. The guy is thinking he’s bringing the big guns out to play while at the same time respecting the broconomy. What happens next is what’s going to be this society’s downfall. While the guy is thinking he’s doing every right, the female in this situation is constantly comparing this to the date that her friend had with her guy. How will she be able to brag to her friends about this normal date? It’s not possible; so she is going to assume the guy is a cheap ass with no respect for women and he doesn’t value her enough. Of course this is all false but the perception is real. At the end of the date this female is going to go back to her girls and tell them what a horrible date it was the how the guy is so cheap and blah blah blah. So the traitorous non-bro douchebag indirectly, (some might argue directly), cockblocked the living hell out of this bros quest for fornication.

Now here’s the other thing, the original traitorous non-bro douchebag who took her female out for that date now has set the bar up reaaaaaaaaaal high. If she hasn’t already felt turned off by his display of over affection, and has landed a second date he has to plan a date that can compare or its game over for him. It’s unsustainable which is why there is a fully functional system in place to take girls out for coffee. It’s cheap, low committal and can be sustained. Plus it focuses the attention on the people rather than the activities. By doing all that fancy ass shit you’re pretty much just putting lipstick on a pig and cockblocking other bros. That’s why I always laugh at the guys who cry about how much money they wasted after they break up with their girlfriend. Buffoons.

So next time you’ve decided to do something for a girl, please do a service to all of men and be aware how your actions affect everyone else. If you are going to commit broflation, take a step back and don’t do it. There are others way to get into a girls pants than spending cash. If you want to spend cash to win a female’s affection please buy a hooker; that’s an honest transaction because both parties are upfront of what they want. Don’t ruin it for everyone else by being a selfish tool.

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