Uzair’s Theory on Job Interviews

How to dress

Now some people say it’s the clothes that make the man (or woman), and those unfortunate souls who say it’s the man that makes the clothes. When it comes to your interview, no matter how much you want to give the world your middle finger and show that you’re the one who makes the clothes. Don’t. Interviewers aren’t some sort of special breed of humans who can see right through you instantly and read your mind to know what you’re all about. They’re the same as the people at the bar who will completely ignore your existence because you look like a scrub. I’m not saying you have to dress like you just walked out of a magazine. Actually, wait. I am.

That’s because when it comes to your interview, you want to BLOW THEM AWAY and BE MEMORABLE. That takes time and dedication to a particular skill set that you should have and will last you a life time. First of all let me get all the major blunders out of the way I’ve seen a few poor souls do during interview season at school. I’ve never been the one to support euthanizing our young university students, especially with an aging population but what I saw quickly made me change my stance on the issue.

1)      NEVER EVER NEER NEVERNFWEFLKJEW NEVER wear white socks with dress shoes. Not even if you think you’re the next Michael Jackson. Never. I’m speaking for myself personally here but when I start interviewing candidates, the first thing I will check is your socks. I don’t care if you are the most qualified candidate by a mile, you will not be a good fit for my company. Period. No one wants to hire individuals who don’t know the most fundamental principles of life.

2)      Never wear anything else except dress shoes with your suit/dress pants. They’re called dress shoes for a reason. I honestly can’t believe how many people wore black runners with their suits. It makes me sick writing this. People are actually so high up on their own horse that they think that the rest of us are so stupid that we won’t realize they are wearing RUNNERS with their suit. I’ve seen it time and time again. Now if you wear runners to an interview, you might as well take your shirt off the start drinking a 40 of vodka. Your chances of getting the job will be the same. You never know, the interview might love a drunk alcoholic who knows how to have a good time.

Invest in a new wardrobe and learn how to dress well. It’s not enough to dress better than average; you have to be the best. You have to be memorable, like you could be on the cover of a magazine. When you dress better than average, you might get a “oh he’s well dressed” and they will quickly forget they even said that. Now don’t get me wrong, when I say you have to dress well like you walked out of a magazine I don’t mean you have to be outlandish like Lady Gaga. If you think you don’t have the money to dress well, you just aren’t ready for the big leagues my friend. Dressing well is an investment in your future, it might make the difference between 75k a year or an unemployed chump. I spent over $2500 on suits WHILE in school, but I can pay for it now with my job because I was wearing a nice blazer with my name stitched on the inside.

What I mean by dressing well:

1)      A tailored (make sure the blazer hugs your back and the pants have little to no break. Your shirt cuff should also show) Italian/British blazer, charcoal grey or blue suit. It doesn’t have to be expensive, I will talk later about how to get $1500+ suits for $200. Remember the marks up on suits are like the mark up on stupid Apple products.

2)      An expensive dress shirt made of high quality fabric (everyone can tell so don’t cheap out by going to H&M, I don’t care how poor you are, this is an investment)

3)      Do not cheap out on the shoes. Do not cheap out on the shoes. I had to say it again because it’s that important. Buy a pair that will last you a while, if it’s your first pair make it black.

4)      Buy dress socks. You can cheap out here, I personally like to wear colorful socks. I suggest you do it to, it’s the easiest way to stand out without being over the top

5)      A silk tie, pick a solid color. Red shows confidence but whatever matches your outfit

6)      The shoes have to match the belt

7)      Buy a pocket square. Make sure NOT to match your tie. It has to match your dress shirt without being the same colour. If you’re as awesome as me then you can even wear ridiculous pocket squares and pull it off.

8)      Your watch. You must buy a beautiful looking watch. If you’re not a watch guy yet. Why not? There are no excuses here; every successful man in history has been a watch man. It’s a prerequisite to success and wealth. If you aren’t wearing a timelines piece then you are telling the world you have succumbed to a life of mediocrity.

How to show that you’re competent

You have to walk in your interview without a hint of nervousness. People say it’s natural to be nervous. Maybe if you’re weak. But since you are reading this, you are not weak. Remember that the interviewer will only see the outside you. You can an absolute mess inside, but they have no idea. So fake it if you have to just as long as you do it. Don’t walk in grinning like an idiot, walk in with a comfortable look on your face and slowly smile as you shake hands firmly and look at your interviewer in the eyes. Maybe make a comment about something that you notice, and/or ask what that is but that’s not important.

The number thing that you have to remember is that, this is your interview and YOU have to run the show. I know this goes against conventional belief that that you’re the one getting interviewed so shut up unless they have questions for you. That’s not true. Most interviewers are just regular people like me and you and suddenly have to find someone to fill a position that just opened up. This usually isn’t their full time job so half the time they don’t even what they are doing. All their looking for is if they like you or not. Them asking you questions like “Tell me about a time where you found yourself in a difficult situation and how you got out of it” isn’t going to do much. Instead they are going to size you up based on how you dress (already covered), how you talk, how you smile and hundreds of other signals that you are sending out that show people that you are competent. When they ask you questions, don’t just answer the question on face value. Answer the question that’s behind the question. For questions such as “tell me about yourself”, don’t just listen off in chronological order of what you’ve done and what companies you’ve worked for. That bores me just writing that. You have to tell them an interesting story about how you’ve gotten to the point where you are now. Make it engaging, involved and passionate when you prepare it.

As you engage the interviewer put the spotlight on him, and at the start talking about them and their interests, why they are in company X and what they enjoy about it, their background and all that. A recent study at Harvard found that when people talk about themselves, it releases a “feel good” neurotransmitter. You want them to associate this feeling with you. Make sure you keep a good vibe going, try to build a personal connection with them. The faster you build rapport with them the better. Its basic sales 101.

And don’t get me started on how important being a good salesman is in everything you do. Even if your job has nothing to do with sales. I will leave that for a different post.

Don’t blabber on and on. About yourself or the question they’re asking or anything. It’s a sign of low competency, you look like an idiot and you bore to death and then they don’t want anything to do with you. Avoid talking about what YOU want all the time. Your purpose of this interview is to find out if the company is the right fit for you and you’ll gain the experiences that you want. Just during the interview, don’t start talking about all the things that you want and how you want things. No one cares about you. You shouldn’t even be surprised by that sentence unless you’re in grade school. No one except me cares about you, and that’s why you shouldn’t talk about yourself and what you’re interested in. You talk about what you bring to the table and how you can help them out and make the hiring managers life easier. Even though as a college graduate you are functionally useless and a waste of life, it still doesn’t mean that you don’t have skills you can bring to the table. You can ask questions to determine if the company is the right fit, but that’s about it.  The basic rule of life is to serve others. There is no changing that, if you don’t benefit others or give other values you legit are a waste of a life. No one cares about what you want.

If they ask you why you want to work here; say

Based on the things we’ve talked about/researched, it looks like this these are you main challenges/areas of growth are….Based on my experience and skills here’s how I can address it”

Also never make a big deal out of money. Money will follow. Make sure the job is the job that you want and you’ll excel at it. Obviously if they are completely underpaying you, tell them, in a matter of fact way, that you the number they have is very different from what you have in mind and that it’s important that the gap is narrowed. Simple.

Now you have my theory to get any job interview for any company no matter what size or how qualified you actually are. Remember as always, none of my theories are field tested so don’t go commenting on blog and saying stuff like how you got a job wearing white socks with dress shoes. I don’t care and I’ll delete it. This is my website and I don’t want to create a toxic forum where dumb ideas run rampant.

If you get your next job at Goldman Sachs earning $600,000 a year and an expense account for prostitutes thanks to my theory; you’re welcome.

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Comments

comments

2 Comments

  • Senay

    July 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    Completely agree with this post

  • Darren Allemond

    September 10, 2012 at 5:40 am

    An attention-grabbing discussion is worth comment. I feel that it’s best to write more on this matter, it won’t be a taboo topic but usually people are not sufficient to talk on such topics. To the next. Cheers