Uzair’s Theory on Lakers Fanboyism

Typical fan of the LA Lakers

As most of the world knows, I love to hate the Lakers. The reason for my hate though isn’t because I don’t respect their organization and their winning ways. Or that I have a personal vendetta against Kobe Bryant. The reason why I hate the Lakers is 1) Their retarded fans which symbolize everything wrong with society and 2) How overrated the Lakers are and their sense of entitlement to winning. Now I’m not going to make this all a LeBron vs. Kobe comparison because A) That is played out and B) There is no comparison anymore. This post will be just an objective hatred on Kobe and Laker fans with LeBron James added in just to make a point.

Now let me be clear here, when I refer to Laker fangots I’m talking about the 90% of the them who have IQ’s less than 75. Yes I know there are always going to be those outliers who have half a brain and just happened to like the Lakers, I’m not referring to them. They’re actually smart and I enjoy debating with them because it’s easy to and they bring up good points. Unlike the absolute degenerates who yell out Kobe and give him all the credit when he air balls a game winning 3 pointer and Pau Gasol cleans up his mess.

The reason why I hate Kobe fans is because they are the archetypal examples of the availability heuristic and cognitive biases in human behavior. Is it just me or can their “God” do no wrong. He gets all the credit for all the Lakers wins and championships, yet all the losses are blamed on Pau Gasol, the bench, the head coach or the water boy. This is contrary to how most of the world works. In the world outside of Kobe’s bubble, if you get credit for winning, then you receive all the blame for losing.  But no, this doesn’t apply to all mighty Kobe Bryant. If he has a game shooting 35% and he takes 30 shots and the Lakers lose, he has no help! If he is 1/7 in game winners for the month, the one he made is all people remember and Kobe Bryant has the clutch gene and is by far the most clutch player in the NBA. Never mind if “LeChoke” was 4/7 in the same stretch. It’s funny how this is a prime example of cognitive biases taken to the extreme. Lakers fans to believe so badly that Kobe can seriously do no wrong that they will focus on his positives with an electron scanning microscope and utterly disregard anything that doesn’t fit their preconceived image of their god.

Here’s a beautiful article on Kobe Bryant’s “Clutch” Gene:

Needless to say most Kobe Fans won’t even read or process that article because it goes against their perceived image of Kobe being clutch. You might ask yourself; why would you think Kobe is so clutch then? Well I don’t know how to answer that exactly but it might have to do with the fact that he has attempted 115 clutch shots over his career and you know that he will shoot the ball every single time in the clutch. He’s bound to make some, and when he does that is all you ever hear about. People will only remember the shots he makes because the fans and the media will over hype it to death. It doesn’t really hurt the Lakers play in the biggest market in the NBA so you will definitely hear about it. Now that I’ve addressed his “clutchness”, let’s move on to his winning ways.

Now the only argument that Kobe fans bring up with I try to logically argue that one player is better than the other or show these stats is “zomG 5 RINGS1!!!!! ThatZ al1 I has to say!!!!!11” like the elementary school dropouts they are. Either way let’s look at that from a different perspective. Kobe Bryant has been blessed with the best head coach of all time in all of his victories, and the best front court in the league in all his championships. It’s easy to imagine if Kobe Bryant hadn’t demanded a trade from New Orleans when got drafted, how he would just be like all the other superstars of his generation and how different the NBA would have looked. What happened when Kobe didn’t have the best team in the league after Shaq left? Two first round playoff exits while the Lakers were up 3-1 against the Suns. Sure Kobe had some great statistical seasons, but he didn’t win and isn’t that what the Lakers are all about? But let’s be fair here, Kobe didn’t have a superstar front court, the best coach all of all time and a capable bench. So now that Kobe is facing a situation that most superstars in the NBA have faced their entire careers including Vince Carter, Tracy McGrady, Allen Iverson and LeBron James. So what did the loyal, Laker for life, never gives up Kobe do?

Well for one, he did give up:

And secondly, he demanded a trade:

This is after two seasons of playing on a sub-par team; he doesn’t even have the decency to wait until his contract is over!

But because the Lakers as always seem to get superstars for next to nothing, got Pau Gasol and a decent Andrew Bynum, they were back in good shape. Let’s forget that Kobe was acting like a little bitch and focus on the fact that now he is on a championship caliber team due to the superior work of his front office. But actually let’s give Kobe credit for that too. Kobe fanboys always bring up the fact that he’s so loyal to the Lakers and he went through thick and thin with them. That’s simply not the truth and you must have a serious case of fanboyism if you look at the facts in front of you still think you’re right. Some try to justify it by saying that he was trying to leverage his power to force the Lakers to bring in talent and give him credit for Mitch’s good work. To that I say; don’t justify what Kobe did was right because it happened to all work out. What if Pau Gasol wasn’t available for nothing and they had to trade Kobe, would that argument hold? No.  He’d be like Tracy McGrady, Vince Carter and every other superstar who ended up getting traded trying to pull the same thing.

Those who hate on LeBron James for leaving Cleveland are also confused at best. Sure you can hate him for “the decision”, that was fairly unnecessary and a product of having your best friends from high school run your PR campaign. But to hate on him for leaving Cleveland, when his contract was over is absurd!  The guy was a free agent, which by definition means he can go to any team that he wants. He played his heart out and soul for 7 years for the team that drafted him without demanding a trade and taking his team to the finals. What more can you ask? Add on to this is his clean criminal record, lack of rape claims, staying with his high school sweet heart and having his best friends from high school with him every step of the way and staying loyal to the people that matter to him.  The result of all that is; he is the most hated player in the NBA because he left a team after his contract to take a pay cut and play for a team with championship potential. Let’s see here, on one hand if LeBron leaves his team after his contract expires, takes a pay cut all in an attempt to win a championship he is a the scum of the earth. On the other hand, Kobe Bryant has two losing seasons, he demands a trade, gives up in a crucial game 7, calls for everyone’s head in the organization, rapes a woman and cheats on his wife because he doesn’t have the pieces around him to win the championship therefore he is a GOD among men and no one touch him. Is this making sense to you? It sure as hell isn’t to me.

On one side we hate a guy for being disloyal to his ex-employer where he played out his contract in full because he wants to win and on other side we love a player for demanding a trade without finishing contract his for the purpose to winning. Is it just me or does this make no sense.

Fast forward to the 2012-2013 season, now the Lakers have somehow worked their magic again and gotten another superstar in Dwight Howard. So Kobe Bryant now teams up with Steve Nash, Dwight Howard and Pau Gasol. This team is ridiculously stacked by anyone’s standards except Lakers fans. Their logic and sense of entitlement states that this team is perfectly fair and reasonable for the Lakers. Yet when Miami builds their own “super team” then that’s just cheating and should be discredited. Okay fair enough. But now what’s this, the Lakers are 1-11 including the preseason with Mike Brown as the coach. “zomgong MIKE BROWN IS THE WORST COACH OF ALL THE TIME, COMPLETELY LAUGHABLE IT’S ALL HIS FAULT THAT KOBE ISN’T WINNING A CHAMPIONSHIP!!!”. So let’s ignore the fact that coaches have a minimal impact on a team’s winning ways; and let’s just blame Mike Brown. But at the same time laugh at LeBron James for not winning a championship with Mr Brown as the head coach.

To summarize, let’s get this straight Kobe “God of Basketball” Bryant, the man with 5 rings needs not only a star studded hall of fame line up to win a championship, but he also needs a Hall of Fame coach in Phil Jackson. Also, let’s not forget if Kobe doesn’t win this year it’s definitely not his fault, its Ron Artest’s or Pau Gasol’s or the coach’s fault.

I’m actually just going to stop writing now because after writing all this it just hit me “Never argue with an idiot, they will just bring you down to their level and beat you with experience”.

If there is anything to learn from all I want to say is when making decisions and forming opinions, please be aware of your cognitive biases and the recency effect. For more information on this, I highly recommend everyone read the following book:

Excellent Book
“Thinking Fast and Slow” By Daniel Kahneman


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  • Billy Martinez

    November 12, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    I discovered your homepage by coincidence.
    Very interesting posts and well written.
    I will put your site on my blogroll.

  • Rej. Confirmed laker fanboy

    November 13, 2012 at 5:52 am

    That time he “quit” on his team, it was a reaction to people saying he was shooting too much. So he didn’t shoot. Champions respond to feedback well.

    • uzairah

      November 13, 2012 at 2:47 pm

      Well his timing was impeccable. Of all the times he listened to the critics, it had to be during a game 7.

  • Sahr Saffa

    November 14, 2012 at 7:56 am


  • Kobe Bryant

    November 16, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    Yo this is Kobe Bryant, the lakers organization sent me a link to your blog. First off, let me say nice attempt on analyzing lakers subculture and human behavior in general from behind your computer-you must be some renound social psychologist. Secondly, I want to make this very clear: you insult lakers fans, you insult me. Kobe loves all his followers no matter race, creed, or color! You wanna be a hater on your shitty blog then fine. I make more money in one game of basketball than you’ll see in your entire life! For the record, I allegedly raped a woman but when you’ve got a 10 inch hog and more swagger than jagger hoes can’t help but be all over your shit. I suggest you stick your recency effect up your ass, regroup, and form a new opinion.


    – The all-time leading scorer in Lakers franchise history

    • Shaquille O'Neal

      November 17, 2012 at 2:17 am

      Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes.

    • Parveen

      February 16, 2013 at 3:06 pm

      Kobe is the next best thing since Michael Jordan, defenitely one of the gtaerest to ever do it .. Lebron needs some more time to get there, he doesn’t need to proof anything but he needs more time to get on Kobe’s level.